Wanted: Emotional Regulation

This time of year always brings me memories of celebrating Valentine’s day when I was a child. My first grade year I got the flu and missed my school party. I remember being in bed and my mom brought home all the valentines my class had passed out that day. Later, my dad walked into my bedroom door with the biggest blow up heart I’d ever seen! Though I was sick, I felt so loved that day

Wouldn´t it be wonderful to feel loved all the time? Although, if we lived in that zone, maybe we wouldn´t be able to appreciate its wonderfulness in all its worth. My husband and I hope we provide a home where the underlying feeling is that of love for our children. 

​But, like an onion (or a parfait, whichever 

you prefer), emotions and feelings come in layers. With a teenager, a tween, and a girl of 8 going on 16- emotions are stacked high around here. Thankfully, I have tools that help with  emotional regulation skills in my back pocket.

Did you know that self-regulation abilities have a stronger correlation with school readiness than IQ or entry-level reading or math skills? Wow. Let that sink in for a moment. Back in the eighties, my ¨neighbor¨, Mister Rogers, recognized the importance of emotional regulation too and was even quoted as saying ¨I´m convinced that when we help our children find healthy ways of dealing with their feelings - ways that don´t hurt them or anyone else- we´re helping to make a world a safer, better place.¨

¨I´m convinced that when we help our children find healthy ways of dealing with their feelings -ways that don´t hurt them or anyone else- we´re helping to make a world a safer, better place.¨ 
                                                                                                                             Mister Rogers

So now we know the vital importance of emotional regulation but wherever do we begin to help our children with these so desperately needed skills? Enter The Zones of Regulations by Leah Kuypers. Before I could target a child´s speech and language skills in therapy my students had to be in a state of calmness. While I always hoped to be a place of safety and comfort I often struggled as a therapist (and a mom too) to help find emotional regulation tools beyond taking a few deep breaths. But the Zones teaches children how to describe how their brains AND their bodies feel. Human emotions fall into four categories: blue, green, yellow and red. While the program stresses that it is okay to be in any of the zones it gives children tools to help them get back to the green  zone in which they can feel okay, where they can listen, learn and absorb all the knowledge a caregiver or teacher has to share.

The Blue Zone
Emotions that are slow moving such as sad, sick, bored, or tired fall into this zone. Tools to get your child back to the green zone are designed to increase energy and may include getting a drink of water, taking a walk, doing wall push ups, or talking with a friend.

​The Green Zone
Calm, happy, proud, okay, and ready to learn are fall within the green zone. This is the ideal zone in which a child is ready to communicate, learn and maintain appropriate interactions with others. Tools to stay in this zone are geared toward listening to others, thinking happy thoughts, and helping others. 

​The Yellow Zone
Emotions in the yellow zone relate to feelings of a heightened state of alertness. Silliness, nervousness, confusion, and embarrassment fall into this zone. Frequently, these emotions are precursors to emotions in the red zone which highlights the need for regulation even more. Tools to help a child get back to green from this zone aim to help the child re-gain self control. Some include allowing the child to take a break, squeeze a stress ball, get a drink, or talk to an adult. 

​The Red Zone
This zone is where a child has lost all self control. It encompasses anger, aggression, fear, and being out of control (uncontrollable crying or physically). Tools to help a child regulate these emotions include allowing a child to take a break, take deep breaths, physical activity such as running or jumping, or getting a drink of water. It´s important to note here that this is not the zone to impart a ¨teachable moment¨. A child´s physical and mental state must be calm before learning can occur.  

Make a board, create a chart, check out the many ideas on our Pinterest board to customize the Zones of Regulation to work for your family. Change the conversation at your house and help your child find the right tools to use when regulating their emotions. 
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Now, hang tight- I´ll be back. My daughter just moved into the yellow zone thanks to some brotherly love.